The Film List NORTH AMERICA & EUROPE
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Real Killers First Rites. Action horror schlock. Awesome moments in this Mike Mendez flick written by Dave Larson. Some great lines, too, like the comments of stunned disbelief about Michael Madsen being the dad in Free Willy. Character "Bob" is the first flaming hairstylist zombie type I've personally encountered in a flick.
Fun!
The Convent Comedy horror gore. Mendez is developing a signature style I can admire! This had me laughing most of the way through, for good reasons, and the DVD would sit perfectly next to Bad Taste, Evil Dead 2, Return of the Living Dead, Night of the Creeps and the rest of the comedy horror schlock masterpieces. Great characters, fun quotabes, loads of fluids and a host of good times. Megahn Perry was amazing as Mo, the Goth girl. I'd certainly like to see more of her wit and completely believable & on-beat sarcasm (a rare skill in b-grade film / newbie actors). Read the amazing review from Arrow Through the Head for more, he says it better than I.
Excellent!
Saving Private Ryan WW2 epic. Dump the lame and fairly insipid framing story and you have a film worthy to sit next to A Bridge Too Far or Tora! Tora! Tora! Some fabulous cinematography in this, as the slew of subsequent visual verve copycats will attest. Stacked with stars.
Almost perfect.
A Bridge Too Far WW2 epic. Massive, detailed and wonderful. Stacked with stars. I never knew Robert Redford, Sean Connery, Gene Hackman and Anthony Hopkins had ever been in a film together. A lot of films I dig were clearly influenced by this monster.
Precedent setting, or at least, raises the proverbial bar a rung or two.
8 & 1/2 Women Sexual contemplation. Peter Greenaway. Enough said. Stack a mid-life crisis, a death in the family and the means to procure a private harem, and you get this twisted gem. Loved it, especially the insane Japanese girl "Mio" (Kirina Mano) who only wanted to sing vs. the myriad of other strange bats. Delightfully playful and intelligently perverse with some serious human character study underlying it all.
Fun and solid. Worth seeing for Vivian Wu alone.
Pillow Book Sexual contemplation. Peter Greenaway. A wondrous exercise in visual and aural graphic design. Utterly stunning at times. Yeah, it's tweaked, morbid and slow, but I love it anyway. I spent years tracking down the overpriced import soundtrack for that one damn Patti song that got stuck in my head from this film.
Beautiful.
Prospero's Books Peter Greenaway. A lot of naked people and water shots. The Caliban or "Orpheo" or whatever the painted up contortionist dancer's name is, well that scary sequence kicks ass, but the eternally peeing cupid on the swing stops being funny in about minute five. One reviewer called it "insulting, unwatchable rubbish." Now I thought I was mean, ha ha!
Sad, really.
The Cook, the Thief, His Wife & Her Lover Peter Greenaway. Probably my favorite Greenaway to date. Lush, violent, tweaked, stunning and tight. This film wants for nothing, except perhaps a sequel, ha ha! Love it! And yeah, I can't believe Helen Mirren is Mrs. Tingle either.
Genius.
The Life Before This 2 takes on a tragedy. Shooting, then day in the life leading up to, you guessed it: the shooting. This stunt actually works wonderfully, and the film was a solid chunk of time well spent. Stephen Rea does a swell job whackin' roaches! Most of the multi-protagonist cast are interesting to learn about as they are all wonderfully weird.
Solid.
Candy Mountain Road Movie Tom Waits and David Johansen (AKA Buster Piondexter) were definite high lights, and the line alluding to the old blues song "Life ain't no candy mountain, son..." An interesting piece overall, a series of venuettes strung together by the travel of our hapless hero. The deer hunting woman, the Canadians, the wonderful woman waiting out her mum's last days, all feel genuine. Downside, the ending is like life, open for interpretation and pretty much anti-climatic.
Educational and solid.
Pearl Harbor WW2 gone glitzy. There are a lot of great moments in this film, so I can't hate it even if I want to, and I do want to. The love triangle is distracting, shallow, contrived and patronizing. Shock that this might be, I actually like Ben Affleck. But I'll grant that he gets some roles that are about as rewarding for the viewer as a reheated Big Mac from a stranger's dumpster. Not to mention my sympathies to the "lucky" paratrooper who gets that sticky chute / love-tent. Some fabulous visuals, like the dogfights, and some woeful omissions from the actual history of the moment, like the missing ship and the missing mini-subs. At least not so glaringly nationalistic that I'd want to call it propaganda.
At least the weak parts are easy to skip past with the chapter search menu.
Convict 762 Sci-Fi Low budget and pretty goofy throughout. Rented it for Billy Draco, I mean, he was cool in The Untouchables, right? Bad call.
Crap.
A. I. Sci-Fi The film is basically three films end to end, right? OK, so I really had to pee by the time the camera is pulling back from the kid mired at the bottom of the ocean. So I should've trusted the wisdom of my bladder and left at that moment, and then simply not come back. Instead, I endured the crap that followed and left the theater feeling the master footage of the aliens and their Hoth world and the hair turned Mom for a day could be shoved into a blender and administered to Steven Spielberg as a daily enema until the world indeed freezes over. Regardless, the first third is solid though slow, and the second third is brilliant. Jude Law's character deserves a sequel. Amen.
Stop the film after the kid "drowns". Trust me.
I Know What You Did Last Summer Slasher So do I, and I'll never be able to get those hours of my life back, will I? I kid! Actually I liked this one. It's silly, but it's shot well, like the long opening shot that winds in from a huge landscape shot to settle on one little suicidal looking fellow. I was entertained, so sue me.
Skip it unless you really want to get every little joke in the parodies like Scary Movie.
I Still Know What You Did Last Summer Slasher OK, bad idea. Jack Black's brief appearance is fun, but the film has issues. Even the gore factor is disappointing, except for the mess left in Jeffrey Combs office. Poor Jeffrey. The tanning bed sequence is pure agony, and not the good kind.
Seriously skip it.
Poor White Trash Black Comedy This may not be another Raising Arizona, but it does leave me feeling content all over. Solid and fun with some great twists along the way. The beer can sculptures alone make this a must see.
Clever!
Beautiful Joe Crime Comedy Drama Just when I think I don't respect Sharon Stone this film turns up. Although it has some contrived feel good bits at the end, Billy Connolly is astoundingly low-key, and that pulls it all off. I have a big warm spot for this flick.
Lovely!
Hellraiser: Inferno Horror Wow. Well shot, great story telling, solid design... WHAT HAPPENED?!? Here I expected another tagline riddled mess like Hellraiser: Oblivion (the word "oblivion" in the title of a film is generally a sign that you've just rent crap, sucka). Yep, I am a sucker for Cenobites, except maybe for that one cat with the CDs in his head. So I was prepared to wallow through abysmal dregs waiting to catch a peek of a neato-keen new Pinhead Pal. What a cool way to be disappointed!
Fun!
Blue Thunder Action Seen it 10 times or more, but it just gets better every damn time. And let's cheer the demise of being forced to endure pan -n- scan versions of this gem. Yeah, I know, it's no Airwolf...
J.A.F.O.!
Ghosts On Mars Action Silly fun, but loads of excellent flying jig saw blade injuries!
Good drive-in movie.
Ginger Snaps Horror Excellent Canadian black comedy horror with generally fab effects make up, solid dialogue, and wonderful editing. Really a better follow up to the American Werewolf in London tradition that that sequel in Paris could ever be, even though this is completely unrelated. Beautiful relationship between the sisters, the mom cracks me up, and the werewolf business is handled masterfully!
Genius!
Enemy at the Gates WW2 Snipers and Nazis, oh my! I liked this, though slow and predictable. It had a visual acuity that appealed to me, reminded me at times of the look Avalon went for by shooting their film in Poland. Ed Harris should have bust out a painting at some point for laughs, OK, maybe not.
Solid.
Spiders Slasher The first 1.5 hours of this should be burned. The last 20 minutes are a lot of fun, but if you have seen 8 Legged Freaks, then skip even the last 20 here.
Massively disappointing.
Valentine Slasher Cool mask, anyway. Denise Richards looks pretty goofy, probably should eat more. And wear more too, actually.
Lame.
Along Came a Spider Thriller Morgan Freeman is always a sign of quality, since Spiderman on Electric Company to now he's always left me content. This is no exception. Great yarn with fun twists and a solid ending. The car death at the start is rad!
Solid!
Spy Kids Kid flick Lot of people hate this one, but I loved it, cracked me up. Guess I'm a softie. Neat effects, and awesome toys, really wish those had been released for real, a Thumb 12" would ROCK! Editing in the wedding flashback is wonderful.
Solid!
Little Nicky Comedy OK, appreciably not Sandler's best, but I did laugh my ass off over the Hitler thing and a couple of the other gags. Nice Ozzy cameo.
Good drive-in movie.
Joe Dirt Comedy Some great lines in here, especially from Dennis Miller. Kid Rock did a nice job as a wanker antagonist. The dog ball scene is agonizingly amusing. Silly but satisfying.
Fun!
Sugar & Spice Comedy Cheerleaders rob bank as boss cool "Betties" with "Nixon". Cute, funny, great lines and a nicely handled pregnancy for the captain of the team.
Fun!
The Stuff Black Comedy Dessert from underground will conquer humanity.
Fun!
Return of the Living Dead Comedy Horror A classic! I love everything about this film. Why can't more be this much fun? Enough to make me a real Dan O'Bannon fan.
Brilliant!!
Get Carter Sy Stallone This is some seriously sweet cinematography. I love this one!
Excellent!
Rollerball Action This remake has some great pulse racing shots, some really Ultraman silly helmets, some wonderful girls with tattoos, muscles and stitches, some 15 minutes of outdoor footage shot for effect with nightvision, a lot of great visceral shots and an abundance of melodramatic macho posturing. I did enjoy the Slipknot appearance, the soundless Pink shot, the great HK noodle shop shots, the quick cut layering of languages and texts, and the occasionally beautiful vaulting body (usually through or over glass). I liked that they tried to remake this as if it were happening this minute instead of the far future. Too bad some of the decor was a bit like Running Man or WWF Nitro. More build might have helped, instead of corruption from the get-go.
Fun, but could have ruled with a little more aesthetic and pacing thought put into it.
Rollerball Action Had to revisit the original after watching the remake. Okay, it does have more class, but could use more action, that's true. At least there is no night vision. Somewhere between the two is a killer film waiting to be made.
A Classic!
Super Troopers Comedy Some nice gags, and entertaining through out. Nothing deep here.
Good drive-in movie.
M*A*S*H* Comedy The anniversary edition DVD 2-pack is delicious! I love the overlapping dialogue and the delightful juxtaposition of ultra-vibrant hospital gore with sardonic and often sophomoric humor. A really sweet piece of work!
A Classic!
Race Against Time Action Sci-Fi The film has a nice simple premise and a solid drive to the finish. Although a made for TV (TNT to be precise) movie, it holds up well enough. The effects of the holograms on the buildings is very nicely done. Although not an earth shattering film remotely, it is certainly worth viewing once if you dig semi-politically motivated sci-fi. Just don't expect The Matrix. Michael Greyeyes is a noteworthy actor though, and it is a shame the film dumps him so quickly.
Fun, but lacks umph.
Bruiser Horror Thriller George Romeo thriller about overcoming impotent rage. Sweet! Great Misfits cameo and bonus Misfits music video (with zombie action) on DVD. The mask that manifests on the protagonist because of his inability to cope with his oppressive wife, boss and friend is wonderfully disturbing.
Solid!
Children of the Living Dead Horror Despite Tom Savini's cameo, this is a mega P.O.S. Bad story of Abbey Haley, a lame serial murderer turned zombie that the production crew apparently hope to establish as a franchise character out of Romeo's zombie folk lore. No nudity, sad gore, sadder acting, horrid shot continuity. Tor Ramsey, Karen Lee Black, her hubby and the Wolf Crew are like RPG fans gone horribly wrong producing this waste of an hour and a half of my life.
Should be burned, except for the Tom Savini parts.
K-Pax Drama Jeff Bridges & Kevin Spacey can't save this add-water-have-wonder intended apparently for an even lower common denominator of intelligence than a Police Academy sequel expects. Nice cinematography, though, with the filtered lights and such. Not bad, just simple and boring and massively contrived.
Yawn.

Crimson River AKA Les Rivières Pourpres

 Thriller Jean Reno and cast in murder mystery ALA Silence of the Lambs and Anatomy. Works wonderfully, with excellent acting, pacing, visual style, cinematography, sets, violence and gore.
Delightful!
The One Action Fun though extremely shallow. A few overly contrived spots, but it'd probably make a decent TV series, like Highlander did or Blade should.
Fun.
Crack in the Floor Horror Should probably be stuffed into one. Except for the Gary Busey cameo, this is a massive waste of film, time and fake blood.
Pointless.
Faust: Love of the Damned Horror Brian Yuzna's adaptation of the notorious indie gore comic of the same name. Jeffrey Combs is fun as always, but the suit is goofy, and the ending is silly. Lots of blood, boobs and boredom.
Be drunk, you'll enjoy it more.
Evil Lives AKA Soulmates Horror Cheesy Creepshow style story of a guy who whacks local girls so that his dead wife's soul can inhabit the corpse and join him for a few hours of luscious loving. Seems like the working hypothesis of this production was to find a way through the story to legitimize lots of nudity and basically tasteful necrophelia. Seeing the sidekick guy from the Invisible Man TV show was cool, though.
Silly.
Route 666 Horror Lou Diamond Phillips & Lori Petty star in this kick ass little ghost revenge road movie. Wonderfully shot, cast and plot out.
Fun!!
Highway to Hell Black Comedy Awesome road movie with loads of sight gags and unexpected twists. A neat story, solid cinematography, decent acting, nifty story and excellent sense of humor / irony make this a solid flick. I especially liked the crew of Andy Worhols collecting trash along Hell's highway.
Excellent!
Amores Perros Drama Brilliant. Has an traumatic event, then looks at each of the stories leading up to said event (like Yellowhair 2), then expands to the consequences for the people in the event. The last story of the old man is brilliantly handled, and the running metaphors using the dogs were wonderful.
Genius!
Lord of the Rings Fantasy, Peter Jackson I mean, it's no Bad Taste, Frighteners, or Dead Alive, but...
I listened to people love and hate this film for weeks before I got the chance to see it for myself, and y'know what? They were all right, and they can all shove off anyway, because I loved it! Sure, like Hobbit's Dragon, there's a kink or two in the armor, like the annoying buff monster (my pal John call's it "the Rock") or the occasionally strange composite, but does that throw me out of the film or ruin my enjoyment, HELL NO! Except perhaps for a lack of nudity (which is just as well because what else might be hairy on a Hobbit?) this film entertained and kept me in my seat the full 3 hours! And of course the monsters, huge deep shots, brilliant architecture, incredible CGI Stone Troll and all the rest had a lot to do with my slack jawed awe over the thing.
Ghost World Love it for it's depth, diversity, cini and character. Strange thing was, half way through when we first get to see Steve Buscemi's apartment, I'm reminded of Crumb, the documentary I'd seen a few weeks ago. Turns out this is by the same director, Terry Zwigoff, which I find out from the little making of featurette on the DVD. Anyway, I like this one for setting up all these wonderful teen movies conventions, and then walking out on any commitments to following through with said "contracts" or conventions. I also adore that this film nails what working for crap job like a video rental store, coffee joint, film theater concession stand or even just attending an art class in a public school is precisely like. Beautiful!! Now, to go track down this Ghost World comic book by Dan Clowes and finally read it! Oh, funny thing too, I already own a Press Pop Toys of Japan's Ghost World: Little Enid Vinyl Figure doll, though I didn't know what it was from when I bought it, rather, I just knew I loved the packaging and the roto-figure styling of the toy!
Night of the Creeps Horror comedy. Just gets better every time I see it. Zombies, space slugs, exploding heads and a date for the prom. Simply awesome!
Brilliant!
Eraserhead David Lynch Black Comedy Wonderfully shot in many, many ways. This film is educational more than anything else. It speaks to storytelling, and no matter how improbable the situations in the film are, I can buy in because I've been lead on the path to understanding while never being deprived of opportunity for personal interpretation. That, my friends, is key.

Genius!
Wild at Heart David Lynch Romantic Adventure By far my favorite of all the Lynch films, perhaps not the most innovative, but for me it marries all the things I like about Lynch to conventional mainstream film and produces a piece that both challenges AND entertains. I just adore this film, and feel it makes a great double feature with True Romance (of course the full uncensored version).
Excellent!
Mulholland Drive David Lynch Lesbians, Hollywood, Murder, Cowboy, Flip-Flop story telling, lack of a decisive ending, Betty = Diane, and I'm spent!
Fun!
Made Crime drama Jon Favreau is always a sure bet for a solid script and performance, especially with his pal Vince Vaughn along. Although I found some of the hand held camera work disconcerting at times, I enjoyed the story and the occasional parallel to classic Swingers scenes.
Solid!
Swingers Drama Jon Favreau, Vince Vaughn and posse are solid for a lot of great beats and wonderful diatribes. Great soundtrack!
Solid!
Ripper: Letter from Hell Horror Starts like a sequel but plays out well, lots of fun scenes and gratuitous bloodshed. The lumber mill deaths are excessive, especially the head on run in for the idiot boy with the giant circular blade shot from the blade's perspective. Leave that kind of trauma for Troma, they do it better.
Fun!
Soul Survivors Horror Solid punchline, fun music, some good visuals, lots of dead people. A Wilson brother makes an appearance, and the lesbian scenes are delightfully creepy.
Fun!
Resident Evil Horror Excellent. Straight forward, surprisingly reserved, no schlock, no let downs, excellent ending, wonderful zombies. Mila is beautiful when she is distraught in a truly unique way. I loved this, and look forward to lots of deleted scenes when the DVD comes out! And there better be a sequel, or I'll most certainly pout!! On the weird tip, though, I walked out of this certain Vincenzo Natali (Cube & Elevated) directed it because of some key visual elements that seem heavily derived from aspects of those 2 films. But to my surprise, the film was written and directed by Paul Anderson (III) (Soldier, Mortal Combat, Shopping, the Sight, Event Horizon). I think Paul may owe ol' Vincenzo a coffee at least.
Excellent!
Caveman's Valentine Thriller Had heard it sucked, but other than a few awkward line crosses and a couple breaks in continuity of body language between camera angles, it's solid. Sure the crime tracking story is simple, but the emphasis in this film is on the visualization of Sam Jackson's dementia, and that, my pals, is wonderfully done! Nifty Anthony Michael Hall sighting.
Fun!
Queen of the Damned Action Fun and entertaining, although basically schlock, and certainly not made with the notion of pleasing hard core legions of Anne Rice fans, far too MTV2 for that. And did Aaliyah really have to walk around like the Monkey King (I think she was trying to look like a snake, um, yeah, that's the ticket)? Liked the opening credits music video that reenacted the classic German film Das Kabinett des Doktor Caligari (Cabinet of Dr. Caligari), and the choice to make the rock star Lestat look like Peter Murphy, and the rock songs sound like Korn, but I haven't confirmed that yet, not sure if I'm really even that inspired to try.
Fun.
The Time Machine Sci-Fi remake The art direction / production design is fabulous, and Orlando Jones A.I. Character is great, but the story is slag, a very sad thing because with the budget and visual design going for it, even the average TV writer could have pulled out something that would have made this a dream come true. Instead, it feels at times as annoying as the inconsistencies in Tim Burton's Planet of the Apes. The monsters are great, and Jeremy Irons looks like a wonderful Cenobite, but his appearance is silly, and a few of his big villain lines simply make no sense at all. Samantha Mumba's peek-a-boo see through chain mail halter top was a high point, though. Sad, but true. Silly tripe for the most part. Like the love tragedy in the past. Is the audience supposed to laugh when the protagonist's fiancé gets pancaked by a horse drawn carriage?
Great Art Direction!
Showtime Comedy Eddie Murphy and Robert De Niro in a slick spoof of the film genre convention Eddie helped make famous (48 Hours). With lots of great lines and references, and a stellar performance from William Shatner, this thing was a lot of fun. And the big monster machine guns were a thing to behold. It's silly but not slap stick, and I rather liked that.
Fun!
Blade 2 Action A lot of great moments, and lots of nifty schlock as well. Love the oral effects! The huge buff guy playing "Lighthammer" would make a great Gangrene if there is ever a Martial Law film based on the rad comic book! Not a deep film, but solid enough despite the cheese.
Fun!
Blade Action One of the better comic book adaptations, chalk full of goodness. Great sound bites as well. Love the meat locker scene the best!
Excellent!
Session 9 Horror Classic horror set on location at the wonderfully creepy Danver State Hospital (where the frontal lobotomy was pioneered in 1946!) in Massachusetts. Excellent story, great art direction, and incredibly well done sound (ambient, score and VO). Really cool old school style tension horror.
Delightful!
Assassins Action Definitely a source of inspiration for the HK blockbuster Full Time Killers. Some fun action scenes, and really liked the build and render of the hotel and apartment building sequences, but over all it's something I don't feel too bad seeing a couple years late with a "rent one free" coupon. I can see though how the Matrix works so well from the script on. Lot of lessons are being learned through experimentation on this film, especially about timing, something this film does often very, very well, which means the timing was there in the script as well as kudos to the director.
Educational.
Thomas est Amoureux (Thomas in Love) Sci-Fi, sort of French and told entirely from the POV of the protagonist who deals with the outside world through his video phone and security monitors. Brilliantly written, somewhat surreal, and at times reminds me of LEXX in the style of wit and subtext. Really stunning. The 3D sex scenes are incredibly well done and amusing as hell, especially in the contrast they afford to the other social levels that parade across the screen in rapid succession.
BRILLIANT!!!

Harry, un ami qui vous veut du bien
(With a Friend like Harry)

 Thriller Excellent dramatic thriller about an old high school fan turning up to rekindle a writer's lost passion. French, but don't hold that against it. Really like the ending, so NOT like the standard Fatal Attraction style. Oh, and the international cover image of the scantly clad woman holding what looks a lot like a plug in vibra- er, massage tool (but turns out to be a leg shaver) being viewed through the key hole is EXTREMELY misleading. Now you know.
Excellent!
My Favorite Martian Comedy Disney when it's good. Christopher Lloyd, Jeff Daniels, Elizabeth Hurley, Daryl Hannah, Wallace Shawn and the original Uncle Martin: Ray Walston make for a rad cast that is rounded out by the often show steeling ZOOT space suit (voiced by Wayne Knight, groovy!). Fun effects, fun visuals, straight up formula plot. One question though: When Daryl Hanna says "yes" to the black gum and morphs into a giant bug thing, then proceeds to eat a huge muscle bound security thug whole, then spits out the gum and reverts into her normal self, what happened to the 250 pound security guard in her belly? Is he dead, destined to be the biggest case of constipation Maalox Plus and a big sack of prunes has ever had to help purge? Inquiring minds wanna know.
Big fun!
Riget aka The Kingdom Thriller Horror Kick ass Denmark TV mini-series from Lars von Trier and company. Lots of great dialogue and clever situations, meaning I was never bored. A lot like a stripped down ER mixed with some X-Files spookiness.
Excellent!!
The Breed Action Despite the schlock title, this actually completely kicks ass. Let me repeat, I was so completely surprised by how much I enjoyed this, I watched it twice! Adrian Paul is wonderfully stoic, like a vampire Spock in a good way, Bokeem Woodbine's acting is initially stiff, but grows on you like a fungus, and Bai Ling is simply luscious in a very unsettling way. The supporting cast is wonderful (except maybe for the West character, he hisses far too often) and the minimal gore is excellent! I love the very Northern / Western European retro hi-tech feel of the sets and wardrobe, and the propaganda messages droning on in the background in the NSA offices are delicious! Hints of Brazil, Avalon & Blade (the first one, yep, the good one) really help this nifty piece to shine. Bravo!
Excellent!!!
Thir13en Ghosts Horror Great ghosts, excellent gore factor, and incredible production design. Resolution felt a bit too glibly lovey dovey and then I remembered these guys, Dark Castle, made the vid game 7th Guest, an old fav of mine, and its somewhat painful sequel, and it occurs to me that both the good and the bad of one media seems to have carried over to another. Mostly good though, especially the inclusion on the DVD of the backstory of each of the ghosts (this bit felt VERY much like a classic 7th Guest puzzle, like that one with the damn cans in the kitchen pantry). The bathroom scene is exceptional, especially the "I'm sorry" written on the floor for the benefit of the one brief high angle shot, nice. And the commentary said the nude ghost is in a body suit. The bathroom scene shows pubic hair. So what poor schmuck in make up had to fit those particular hair plugs into the latex flesh? And do they use real hair, or horse hair? Do they do field research first? Could it be the same specialist that put hair on Tim Allen's fake belly for Santa Clause? The things that distract me. The DVD behind the scenes spent a bit long on the hype and not enough on the behinds, but it's a good introduction to what matte compositing is in the most Reader's Digest of terms. I did like the 14" Iron Giant cameo perched on a worker's desk in the Kodak 3D worker slave pit next to the Asian cutie. I have that same toy in my office. Ho-Garth! See this flick, Ho-Garth!!
Delightful!! I want my own 18 wheeler fulla corn syrup!
Spy Game Action In-Sook Chappell is a brief moment of joy, wish that London stage play with Alan Rickman would come out on DVD already. Anyway, keep in mind that I really dig Tony Scott, and Robert Redford, Brad Pitt, what could go wrong? First of all, except for a few people still hiding in the mountains waiting for General Lee to be reborn, I don't think many people believe that the HK Embassy is actually an embassy. And beyond that, a full third of the planet KNOWS it isn't the American Embassy in Hong Kong. Why, might you ask, had you read this far down the page. Here's why: That particular building is the bank building, and not just any bank building, but the one that appears on a large percentage of the currency used in Hong Kong. Why would you know that, well, that whole WTO thing pretty much assures that every business person in the States will end up at one point or another in HK, the ultimate neutral ground for conferences with all of Asia, and while there, odds are said business person will catch a cab. And guess what kind of bill they're most likely to use... You guessed it, the one with the huge picture of the bank on it, the same distinctive bank that is clearly visible from both sides of HK's harbor as a towering silver landmark ranks in the top three of all establishing shots in films for HK along side the huge Convention center (another bad idea for a fictional embassy) and the giant Buddha (the worst idea for an embassy, but also the most comedic, like using the Seattle Space Needle). Oh, and back to the film, another small tip, if you're going to use a one armed guy as your surrogate "arm got blown off" victim, make sure he at least shaves between scenes, or wears a different hat or something, if the audience is supposed to think he's not the same guy getting the same arm blown off again. But I'm nit-picking, aren't I? Anyway, film is all right, acting is always fine, though never inspired. A few cute moments and a lot of empty ones. I tried to like it. Glad I borrowed it.
Average with errors.
Matrix Sci-Fi Excellent, but too popular, love the film, hate the fans, you dig?
Watermark!!
Matrix Revisited Documentary Although there are gaps and a bit of marketing at work, in all a very neat run through the production process. Would love to have seen a more thorough, less talking head set up, but then again, I'm in film school, so take that with a grain of salt. I loved all of the studio production designer stuff. I mean, I wanna have that Aussie's baby or what? The sets are amazing, and that is an understatement. Why am I so impressed? Not because of the future tube and cable bits, I mean, of course I love those, but the mundane sets, like the government building lobby, or the car interior, all these bits I thought were obviously done on location, but nope, they were build on the studio sound stage. DAMN! Now that's cool, and unbelievably well done. To underscore, has a sitcom set ever fooled you into thinking it was on location? No? Generally films have a hard time pulling that off too. Seven did it for Brad's apartment, and now I see that the Matrix did it too. Cool, like, there is no location! Ow.
Neat if superficial!
Changing Lanes Drama An amazing cast and probably a nifty script upon a time but in the end a lame film that rivals K-Pax in terms of let down. Again, how stupid is the common denominator supposed to be again? And let's move on to camera work. While I appreciate being adventurous, a two minute pull back out of the abyss of the crown of Ben Affleck's hair do is probably excessive, and the wavering, stuttering hand held on a dolly business simply failed.
Annoying.
Atanarjuat, the Fast Runner Drama Hero's journey, some magic, a lot of snow and ice and raw meat, a mean guy, the manipulative sister of the mean guy, more ice and snow, girls with tattoos, lessons like meat, like revenge, is best served cold, more ice and snow, more lessons like knives are hard to put out of dead guys in the cold, more ice and snow, old girls with tattoos, social games like topless brow punching, a kid that may be Nein Numb's lost little brother (get the kid a Kleenex, please), lather rinse and repeat for over three hours. Respect to the endurance it took to shoot this, and respect to the culture it has successfully put into the public eye without being cattily commented on by an overly white narrator like Nanook was.
Educational.
Jason X Horror Possibly the best yet in terms of production value, effects and humor. Some simply awesome gore, though also the cheese you'd expect (slick though it is), a strange parody of a classic scene from Aliens without the aliens, and not as much gratuitous nudity as you might expect (although the humorous android scene about anatomical correctness and the scene where a student earns her passing grade more than compensate). The face freeze scene is excellent, Lisa Ryder as the android femme makes the one on Andromeda look tame (a show maybe not so ironically Lisa Ryder is on, and yes, I'm teasing because the android I'm referring to is played by Lexa Doig, the female lead here), and the cyborg Jason is, well, a big cyborg Jason. I dig that Jason stays a consistent size this time around, and I love the David Cronenberg cameo. Peter Mensah is a convincing bad ass, Lexa Doig is possibly the first non-annoying lead female of any of this series (and atypically handsome to boot), and Kane Hodder as always kicks ass!
Delightful!!
Spider-Man Action Loved it. That simple. Sure, there is some updating, some revising, some reorganization of story, but who cares? My only complaint, and it's a minor one, is that his Spidey-quips are often muffled, and while I appreciate the authenticity of the lines sounding as if they were truly spoken from behind a mask, the wisecracks are a beloved signature of this character, and I'd have been delighted if they'd rang out clear as a bell, illogical though that might be. Ah, well, hum bug. The credits were luscious, the swooping camera moves following Peter Parker through the city were stunning, especially from the great seat I lucked into. The visualization of the Spidey-Sense was stunning and laced with a truly apt comedy, the Bruce Campbell cameo, among others, was FAB, and the Debra Orenstein, I hope I'm attributing this to the right beautiful Doctor, anyway her dialogue about the research hybrid spiders sounded perfect. Yup, true believers, I felt like I was five again, clutching my first Spidey reprint in my little mits, mouth watering with the joy afforded me then. Heck, Spidey was the first comic book character I ever tried diligently to draw. So in a sense, a different kind of Spidey-Sense perhaps, I feel creatively revitalized. Now that's cool, isn't it?
BOSS!!!
Human Nature Comedy While best not measured by the genius of Being John Malkovich, still, this is a fun little flick. Clever story, cute CGI mice, good messages, and lots of naked (although extremely hairy) Patricia Arquette. Love watching her shave, and shave, and shave.
Fun!
Being John Malkovich Comedy Brilliant script, art direction, cini. John Cusack and John Malkovich play this at high ante, and the rest of the cast meets the challenge! I've heard people call it "quirky", but as I hate that as a description label, I won't. Rather, I'll simply say I walked away feeling schooled. Well done. Also, the extras on the DVD are bliss, especially the candid interview on the go with the drive by extra girl.
Brilliant!!
Vidocq Detective Horror with an excellent sense of classical overblown stage decoration, this is a really neat piece of work. Huge sets, some real, some stylishly fabricated and composited. A rich 1830's dark romantic grunge with loads of scary red light district, opium den and industrial catacombs that threaten to overflow the screen and stain the carpet. The background is seething with the rising masses against the rotten government while the French answer to Sherlock Holmes played by the bear Gérard Depardieu has apparently died and left a murder mystery involving deaths by lightning, peasant virgin women bought by rich narcissistic perverts and subsequently murdered and a lurking mirror-masked demon called the Alchemist. Very fun stuff, especially the production design for the scarier bits like the Alchemist's lab or the police records library.
Fun!
You Can Count on Me Drama A somewhat touching and often funny family drama about orphaned siblings, an eight year old, an overly PC priest, doing the micro-managing boss who's wife is 8 months preggers, fishing and dropping in on an absentee dad. Very well crafted, if a bit slow at times.
Interesting.
Fast & the Furious Action Love the parades of pretty cars and pretty people, but the truck hijackings made me laugh out loud, and the cop story was about as two dimensional as it can get. Vin Diesel is outstanding as always, and his cohort played by Michelle Rodriguez is excellent. The Asian gangs, and a lot of the gang or team elements over all, reminded me in mostly flattering ways of the game Grand Theft Auto 3, not a bad thing, love that game.
Episode 2: Attack of the Clones Sci-Fi Epic Should have been Episode One. Despite some bad compositing of characters leaping on or off of CGI animals and such, and some painful romantic moments with Amidala and Anakin, and some action elements that seem to have been orchestrated to either immolate video games or inspire the expected Star Wars video games, despite those elements this thing is pure sugar, and I've no regrets dumping out the cash to see it opening day. Loved the improved characters, the massively improved loyalty to continuity with the first trio of films, the re-creation of Owen & Beru's crib on Tattoine, the Jawa spread, the inclusion of Boba's backstory (and I'm shocked I dug this one, but if you're going to do it right, do it fully over the top, and they did, all the clones are based on Jango Fett including li'l Boba, out of control). Found the similarities of the Tusken Raider camp to a Native American village a bit unnerving, and I'd love to know where the raiders got bamboo to tie up Anakin's mom on a desert planet. Loved the violence of the opening, uncanny and beautifully rendered. Loved the arena monsters, especially the crab thing. Loved the Jedi fight with the Federation droids (which no longer act nearly as boring as in Ep. 1, although the "Roger Roger" gag is used again, and yeh, I chuckled again). Loved that 3 or 4 of the surviving Jedi were female, and 2 of those were the clearly Asian women, and the others were Hindu and Green tentacle alien respectively (there may have been more, but these four need action figures IMMEDIATELY!). Didn't laugh at the C3PO one line gags "This is a drag." Ow. "I'm beside myself." Double ow. Mixed feelings about R2-D2's leg thrusters. Found seeing R2-D2 use his third leg to climb stairs a bit distracting (although I've had to do that a few times, so I can empathize with the little guy). Loved Yoda doing the Jet Li action. Loved seeing Anakin getting his arm lopped off. Why stop there, I wondered? Loved like a mother the city stuff, the vehicles, the centipedes, the high speed traffic, the seedy bar, the scantly clad alien babes, the diner with the femme waitress bot. Awesome! Loved the Jango Fett fights, including the outcome. Nothing says good entertainment like a beheading! Love that Jar Jar became a stooge for the political agenda of the Dark Side. Love the bald lady standing next to Supreme Chancellor Palpatine. Love the symmetry of having Christopher Lee being handed the plans for the Death Star when his old Hammer Films buddy Peter Cushing was in command of the actualized Death Star back in 1977. Love the parallel moments and shots to the previous trio of films, like the ending shot of this one parallel to the ending shot of Empire Strikes Back, complete with robotic hand. Love the alien world where the clones are being produced, and dig the aliens doing the producing. Love the whole business with Jango's rapid firing machine in the asteroid belt. Love the leader of the bugs, love the Techno cyborg guy in the Federation camp even more. Kit Fisto is also the bomb, by the way. And last of all, simply adored the clones at war with the Federation robots. Tons of cool stuff in this that'll give Hasbro years worth of figures and vehicles without repeating themselves.
The BEST apology EVER!!
Plump Fiction Parody Although there are moments of genius in this, like the indie theme restaurant, there is lots of deep hurting here too. Follows the plot of Pulp Fiction far to closely, making it overly linear, ironic considering. Pacing and editing often erratic at best. Character satire is often excellent though, and I won't spoil the surprises.
Best if drunk, stoned, or simply another indie armchair film snob like moi who gets the sometimes rapid fire, sometimes belabored references.
Black Hawk Down War Drama Some of the finest examples of action cinematography I've seen in a long time, always moving, always dense and always rich in hues, colors and atmosphere. The individual story threads are sometimes overly simplified (read: archetypes) but that doesn't hurt, especially when characters like Ewan McGregor and Tom Sizemore (a constant force in war films these days, always cool) or the machine gun duo or the Delta Force leaders always bring dynamic life their respective scenes. Some odd pacing and unanswered details to facilitate story telling through reveals and episodes that was occasionally distracting, but the flick is satisfying and touching as a whole.
Excellent film making, solid entertainment.
Replicant Action Ringo Lam of Hong Kong action fame helms this cloning action thriller, and frankly I like this one a lot better than The One for the pace, grit, cinematography, and Michael Rooker's exceptional grumpy cop portrayal. Jean-Claude Van Damme proves here that he can effect a degree of diversity beyond the last time he tried this twins gimmick in Double Impact. Appreciated the minimal focus on the potential lynch-pin Sci-Fi hocus-pocus, a solid lesson learned from Face-Off. Also thoroughly enjoyed the many shots in the streets within blocks to all sides of where I attend school in Vancouver, BC (supposed to be Seattle in the film, um, yeah). They even left the street names in view, Hornby, Pender, etc. Fun! I'm sad I missed the filming!
Solid & well crafted genre piece.
In God's Hands Surfing Possibly the best surfing film ever made, certainly the most majestic cinematography. Lots of wondrous, atmospheric moments and a lesson in passion throughout. Characters are fairly shallow, but believable, and certainly athletes all. Lots of atypical casting for the women as well, always a delight.
Pleasantly Moist!
From Hell Thriller
Phantoms Horror Peter O'Toole, Ben Affleck, Rose McGowan, Liev Schreiber & Joanna Going. Need I say more? Kick ass romp with lots of nods to classics like John Carpenter's The Thing. Favorite line; "Wanna see something?"
Kick ass!
But I'm A Cheerleader! Comedy Coming of age lesbian comedy, lots of sharp dialogue moments. RuPaul is a great "reformed gay" counselor, and Richard Moll is one heck of a gay revolutionary leader.
Clever!
Burn Hollywood Burn Comedy Satire Chuck D, Coolio, Eric Idol (as the real Alan Smithee), Jackie Chan, Sty Stallone, Whoopie Goldberg, Richard Geni, tons more. Lots of great gags and celebrity self-parody, but nothing revolutionary.
Fun.
Boltneck Teen Horror Comedy On the Frankenstein tip, very well shot and generally very funny. Charles Fleisher, Shelly Duvall, Richard Moll support with Judge Rienhold an otherwise on TV at the most teen cast. Like the spin, though, that "Karl" got a replacement brain that used to be from a serial killer. Fun at parties and great with the ladies!
Delightful!
Anatomy Graphic Thriller A German film with the starring femme Franka Potente from Run Lola Run & Blow , this film is a great companion piece to Crimson River, and on the gore level really blew me away as a milestone of clinical creepyness.
Excellent!
Blackjack Action (John Woo TV Pilot) Dolph Lundgren saves the model, protects the kids, gets model off drugs, kills model's ex-boyfriend, saves his pal's bodyguard business and overcomes a phobia about the color white all in less than a week. Wow.
Fun!
Murder at 1600 Action Wesley Snipes, Dennis Miller, Alan Alda (uncharacteristically as a baddie), and a seriously show stopping sidekick lady. Cute murder thriller, although color me impressed if you can remember this two months later, especially if you've seen Art of War.
Fun.
I Know What U Did Last Summer & I Still Know What U Did Last Summer Slasher Here is where I realize Jennifer Love Hewlett is more of a model than an actor, with her overly inflated chest and bottom looking as though they've been attached to a 10 year old's reedy body. Dead guy's sister is cool, and like the fishing bits, especially the big hook, but overall, this is pretty silly. Sequel is garbage, and I don't say that lightly, except perhaps for the Jeffrey Combs and Jack Black cameos.
Fun, but the sequel kinda sucks!
Critters 1, Critters 2, Critters 3 & Critters 4 Comedy Horror

Awesome schlock! Ton of neat cast choices, like Brad Doriff & Angela Bassett (complete with nude shot) in 4, a young Leonardo DiCaprio in 3, or a young Billy Zane getting his with an intergalactic hedgehog to the gut in the hay loft in 1. Caution though, watching all four is one day might earn your respect for the degree of continuity between films versus other series like Friday the 13th or Nightmare on Elm Street but can cause a bit of cerebral creasing.
Delightful all!
Alligator 2 Schlock Snore with a couple cute moments.
Yawn.
Tomb Raider Big Budget Schlock generally sucks, although respect to the prop department for the boob augmentation, and respect to the casting director for the boob double in the shower, or to the 3D (or 3-Double-D) department, who ever. Some great locations and a groovy "Bryce" guy (very ALA Max Headroom). Insipid story, and that's even when attending with low expectations. Should've been more aggressive, violent, sexy and rated for adults. Did not translate well into a cash cow for the whole family. Ouch.
Ouch.
Evolution Comedy Retelling Ghostbusters with aliens, abundant ass jokes, less charm, more CGI, excellent bugs, a weird animated spin off cartoon, and an ending worth the cost of rental for the spectacle of it all. Biggest ass prop I have ever seen.
Fun!!
Memento Thriller Excellent on all fronts. A piece that raises the bar industry wide. Adore the tattoo work in this as well!
Excellent!
Arachnid Monster Movie Stealth fighter collides with an alien space ship collecting ocean samples, resulting in alien zoological debris scattered across a tiny remote Pacific Rim island, which is a neat way as any to explain giant mutant spiders and other hybrid entomology nastiness in the jungle. Strand a group of doctors and former Marines and a retired Navy pilot woman and you have some cool bits indeed for schlock with international backing and some great locations and sets. Be a solid double feature with Ticks. Predictable, but fun anyway.
Fun!
Who's Afraid of Virginia Wolf? Drama An astounding translation of a stage play into film, with excellent acting from Richard Burton and Liz Taylor. Love the exploration of layers peeling away through lies and conceits to uncover truths and denials.
Astounding!
Legion Sci-Fi Rick Springfield is the villain in this prisoner soldiers vs. monster on a secret lab compound. Twist is that the soldiers are actually lab rats in an experiment larger than themselves, but hey, aren't we all? Good characters, OK ending, OK for a single sit through.
OK.
Winter Sleepers Drama From the director if Run Lola Run, this is an excellent, if dry film. The scenes are color coded corresponding to the principle female characters, a neat artistic decision. From car crash catalyst to the conclusion this is an tight film with solid characters and an excellent exploration of themes and decisions.
Excellent.
TNT Jackson Action Roger Corman 1970's Blaxploitation flick set in Hong Kong with the infamous topless martial arts fight scene.
Goofy fun.
O Brother Where Art Thou Cohen Brothers Retelling of The Odyssey. Film fully digitized and color corrected in post, a neat fact. Clooney and crew are excellent in this hayseed epic. Loads of old time Bluegrass tunes through out the film. Breathtaking cinematography.
Excellent!
Kiss of the Dragon Action Jean-Luc Besson wrote and produced this Jet Li flick. Well done action, OK story, Bridget Fonda generally sucks. Blonde big guy / small guy duo are groovy.
Fun.
Purgatory Supernatural Western A TNT original flick. Dead cowboy heroes and villains get a last chance for redemption in a town that doesn't exist on the maps. Big shoot-out ending that's worth the wait. Eric Roberts and Randy Quaid as a cool Doc Holiday.
Fun!
Double Take Action Comedy Orlando Jones & Eddie Campbell. Fun, clever, slick. Great production value inherent shoot locations. Behind head shots often odd, but all in all very solid. Ending pretty self-evident, though.

Fun!
Saving Silverman Comedy Crude but fun. Jack Black & Coach (played by the Sarge from Full Metal Jacket) are entertainment value. Pacing sometimes too slow, overall skew generally wonderfully odd. Shot in Vancouver, BC. Granville Island locations easy to spot.
Fun.
Accion Mutante Comedy Action Sci-Fi Godlike Spanish film about a future handicapped gang that violently plagues the rich and beautiful for money, attention, and face it: for fun. Lots of wonderful humor, violence, gore and effects.
A Masterpiece!
About Adam Comedy Irish flick where a single guy nails all three sisters in a very close but competitive family. Excellent wit and delivery.
Fun!!
Demoni aka Demons Schlock Horror Campy, though could've used more humor. Lots of fun gory fluid drenched transformations that at a couple moments seemed like nods to the historic transformation scene in American Werewolf in London (that Landis connection). Thought I spot John Landis once for a cameo, which would be apt, since this is a key example of the 80's upgrades to popular mainstream schlock horror, especially with respect to the whole zombie thing. This released the same year as Return of the Living Dead (possibly my all time favorite schlock horror film, at least in a dead heat tie, no pun intended, with the Evil Dead trilogy) and isn't nearly as clever, but worth a viewing at any rate. Think Thriller and Evil Dead and you have the ballpark. Neat to see why that opening scene in Scream 2 seemed so familiar, it's heavily inspired nearly shot for shot from a scene early in this flick. Inversely, the end of this film shows the influence Evil Dead had on horror, the motorcycle riding, Samurai sword welding macho hero is very nearly an Ash clone, which is cool, and this definitely had impact on Evil Dead 2 in the way the demonites were considerably more aggresive compared to Evil Dead, so in short I feel like I'm learning some schlock horror history unfold watching this, and further I'm getting a better sense of how mainstream horror really hit a new stride in the mid-eighties, not always a great stride, true, but entertaining at least.
Fun!!
Demoni 2 aka Demons 2 Schlock Horror
The Mexican Dramatic Comedy Brad Pitt, Julia Roberts & James Gandolfini rock in this cool as hell piece of crime Noir. Very rich, slick, off center and well shot and written work!
Excellent!
Tailor of Panama Spy Thriller Geoffrey Rush, Jamie Lee Curtis, Pierce Brosnan in this tedious historical thriller in post-occupation Panama. Rush's scarred receptionist is very cool though! The real problem is that neither Geoffrey or Pierce are identifiable in the least, and despite the attempt made by the director to humanize them by surrounding them with wonderful female characters, in the end that call made it worse, because seeing Jamie or the receptionist gain nothing from the men made the men even more pathetic.
Annoying.
The Boys from Brazil Thriller Laurence Olivier, James Mason, Gregory Peck & Steve Guttenberg (who mercifully gets whacked, gutted like a piglet) act out this wonderful post war Nazi conspiracy plot. Loads of li'l Hitlers all around the world to hunt down and destroy, like what do you do with 101 dead clone Hitler children?
Dashing!
Rush Hour 2 Action Comedy Kicks ass as a sequel, no surprises but no disappointments, either.
Fun!
Dude, Where's my Car? Comedy Fun overall, very silly, great giant monster woman ending, and the 80's Hip Hop fantasy bit is swell!
Fun!
American Pie 2 Comedy Coming of age... again! Band girl rules, otherwise pretty much just entertaining. Laughed a lot, but not nearly as endearing as the first installment somehow.
Fun!!
Down to Earth Comedy Remake of Heaven Can Wait with Chris Rock that really works well throughout!
Great!
Ladies Man Comedy Tim Meadows is decent in this fairly forgettable number. The chorus line guy dance scene is cool, though, and Will Ferrell is awesome as always as the overly in denial Greco-Roman wrestler.
OK.
Caress of the Vampire Space Lesbian Vampire Erotica Schlock With a case that boasts such promise, a tragedy to turn out to be simple minded trailer park lap dance video boredom. Deep, deep hurting.
Deep, deep hurting.
True West Drama Gary Sinise & John Malkovich in a film version of a play by Sam Shepherd. Excellently written and performed, as expected. Great reversals between brothers competing to create a script.
Excellent.
3000 Miles to Graceland Action Kurt Russell & Kevin Costner as Elvis' children pulling a Vegas heist leading to a major showdown. Kevin is a solid bad man, and Ice T was a cool cameo. Entertaining if shallow, and a lot of inspired shot sequences. Cool CGI intro of battling arachnids.
Fun!
The Yakuza Way Crime Drama Schlock with Riki Takeuchi & George Cheung The best example of cliché ridden "rules of action cinema" catch all coverage with more clichés thrown in to boot. For example, the Japanese speak English when no one is around to overhear. The token strip joint. The filler footage that doesn't support mood, story or entertainment value. The back story of dead loves lost and revenge owed to pretty much everyone anyone seems to encounter anywhere. This film is so wonderfully god awful, like Dukes of Hazard with Yakuza in LA, I'm lead to believe that York Entertainment may transcend even the likes of Full Moon and Troma for attaining levels of sheer cheese.
Manifest Deep Hurting.
Return to Cabin by the Lake Horror Judd Nelson stars in the fun spoof horror about how fickle Hollywood is in exploiting the yarn of a "real life" serial killer.
Silly fun.
Freez'er Thriller Low budget, American, a noble 1st effort despite lots of stilted acting by the lead.
Solid 1st effort.
Mimic 2 Monster Horror Better than the first in some ways, certainly more character depth with a lot less showboating, and some really neat ideas about the relationship between the teacher and the insect. Lots of icky fluid scenes. DVD has some cool making of extras, especially about sound mixing in stages.